I don't think I wanted you to change my mind.
I don't think I ever thought it through if you'd be kind.
Waiting in a winter moon's reflective eye,
Across from a window's hanging star and it's almost time.
For days I've been reckless, clothes and records all in boxes back home.
Running my ass off to a better place in front of you where heroes turn into
Glitter ghosts.
Now I'm scared for us, we wear the same damn shoes.
I wanna be with you. I wanna hold you way too close.
Now I'm scared, you consider me so carefully
But you've got no use for me and comparing injuries.
Turn with a wave and I'll never forget the parallels between us.
But I can't promise to never hurt myself again on purpose.
Not when the asphalt stings my scrapes, tripping downstairs
Out of body on the subway.
Not when the nearest high-rise harmonizes with the words my illness
Will always say.
Come on, you could.
Come on, you should.
Come on. Come on.
I don't think I learned the news I wanted to.
Life outside the atmosphere I'm leaving, is it true?
The signs were streaking through the flare of traffic lights
And in the borrowed bed that held my heart all night.
You know I'm there but I'm ashamed to yell your name,
Honeyed with ardency when I'm standing in your way.
You're staring deep into my frozen lake of grief,
Devoid of all the things that would've made me worthy someday.
Turn with your wave and I'll never forget the lovely possibilities between us.
But I can't promise not to hurt myself again on purpose.
Not when I find the skyline so full of ideas,
Bringing out a breathless urge to finally float away.
Not when the wrenching heights here harmonize
With the words my illness will always say.
Come on, you could!
Come on, you should!
Come on, you could!
Come on, you should.
I thought my knees would fail right under me, turned in the keys
And dragged my bruises off the floor.
Remembering your eyes to slam this morbid door inside,
Smiling into mine a while.
And I cried with my suitcase by my side on the bus ride
All the way to Baltimore
Until I couldn't anymore.